So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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