I think I died a long time ago.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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