I am spending my child support on dildos
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
