I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
