i think my tv is drunk
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
