Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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