Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
as a side note pls kill me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
