Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
