As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The Olympian is in my bed
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
