Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
