I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
