I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
