You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you had me at cake vodka
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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