So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
