Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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