she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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