What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
