A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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