I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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