Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
