Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
