Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
