Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
