So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
