I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
