Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
