So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize