He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
