I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
