i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
