Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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