Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
