No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
