She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
