Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
