There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
