i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
