I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
