Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
