every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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