OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
