Ambien. No doubt about it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
