My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
