you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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