i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
