We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Girls should come with a carfax report
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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