i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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