The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize