You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
