when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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