WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
