JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
