I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I will be naked everywhere
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
