the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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