I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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