I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
