how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
