I only kidnapped one of them. chill
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
