you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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