we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
