dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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