allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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