I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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