Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Still dying that you shit outside
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
