That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
