my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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